If i dont answer her call, she shows up at my door. I owe him my life. She keeps saying we are not a good fit, that I should go and find someone else. It seems hes missing an important part of being in the relationship with you. I am so hurt by how he is treating me. Of course, I dont know your complete situation, but Im getting the sense that whats mixing you up is that you (and maybe your boyfriend) have confused the excitement of first getting to know someone with real love. That is real intimacy. I know Im going to have to take the initiative and hopefully hell see how hard Im trying and follow suit. I got clean last time, this time is was sporadic use, and bloody stupid. I believe we both just want to be happy together but things are so complicated.Im losing hope. We had the most incredibly open and loving relationship either of has ever had until the stress took over. A week ago we had a fight that turned really messy resulting in him breaking up with me. Then he said the situation cant be fixed because you are who you are and you cant change a persons personality. I wasnt nice at all, no name calling, I just let her know I thought she was a fake. At the end of the day I will never give into the anxiety and let it win. Hi M My heart and brain are on two different levels right now. I have no desire to leave the relationship. But I say a good love is one that casts you into the wind, sets you ablaze, makes you burn through the skies and ignite the night like a phoenix; the kind . So I think the counseling should be a good move provided the counselor doesnt just say mhm but actually has tools and opens you up to further thoughts. However, I knew he was a very flirty person, had a lot of female friends but it was never more than friendship. I realize now I pushed him to do some things he did not want to do and did not respect or consider him like I should have. I had a full breakdown and we talked a lotnot great conversations. Dr. Deb be honest please if they got together in June is it true and possible that like my husband said he is in love with the other women. The comfortability we had with each other was phenomenal! Hi Jessica To be more gentlemanly like in front of her like I used to be. He always told me he didnt want to lose me and would do everything for us to be together very often and that this would be temporary (2 years) and then would come back and wed have a kid (!) The ex did a lot of really terrible things with manipulating them etc. And you should not have gone there, either. she said shes forgiven me but doesnt think well ever be together again. my world is upside down without her now. To my greatest surprise,he got angry and started saying all manner of things(eg.,he doesnt promise to be faithful but he promises not to touch me till we get married next year.he has become so distant and cold towards me as he no longer calls. During our arguments it takes drastic verbal damage for us to stop and realize. One of those day in October lady yr, the contractor who supposedly fixing the place came with her to my house to pick me up for shopping more did for her place. My husband has blocked me out of his heart and his heart is somewhere else now. i wanted to tell you something . I admitted to cheating on my boyfriend and he was of course very mad at first. May I recommend a video on my own website called 3 keys to a spectacular marriage? i love him should i just keep proving myself to him or just accept its over? It reminds you that you are, indeed, a good person so you should not blame yourself for helping her, and 2. He showed me true regret for his actions this weekend, but today, I am so scared. After futile attempts to try to get her back Im now in place where Im trying to increase my awareness of how I feel and my emotional intelligence. I was so lost and confused. Ask your therapist his or her orientation. I gave him my support and said I hoped everything would be alright. I feel like every time he left me I had a wall build around me that just got bigger and bigger. we still live under the same roof. You have to do what makes sense to you now. Please take care of yourself by getting counseling to give yourself the self-love that you need to make up for what your parents didnt give you. He is an extremely damaged person. I it obvious to me shes not gonna let me be. But then sex is ALSO, at the same time as fun, its a very personal, intimate thing. I know not interested in him anymore. Every day I saved her multiple times from aspiration. I dont know what to do. This man really does make me a better person, but there have been other lies in our relationship from him I dont know what to do honestly. Why would the woman I love take something from my past and stab me in the back with it? I tried explaining what i did and giving him more details of me being outsidehe sees it as having two stories and still believes i cheated. We even went to breakfast together when the kids (mine and hismy daughter is in college) were in town. for her and she lost the sparkright now im so He tried to lie and tell me he didnt want to lay down because of his night terrors yet hes ok with falling asleep on the couch? I am now forced to move on without him and even though it hurts more than anything Ive ever felt..There is a small sense of relief..I no longer have to wait for him to hurt me anymore, much less see him day in and day out with the knowledge he thinks Im alot of bad things. Other options. Given that theres no communication and all, this is where it gets tough. just prove to her that u love her. My boyfriend of about a year and I both cheated on each other and lied I each other about it. He just says if I block her and she kills herself then I will never forgive myself She is beautiful, smart and just an amazing human being overall. He immediately broke down crying, pleading, etc. We havent talked too often, but these things take time. Maybe she needs individual therapy to get to know herself better and respect her own feelings better. I needed him but he was preoccupied with the other woman and his ex. We have built a good life as a family. He eventually left me because I didnt move in I felt so guilty like everything was my fault. He usually texts or calls everyday. I have several thoughts. My partner has told me that it is not his problem that I dont like his friend and he would hang out with her whenever he wants to. It shocked me to the core and 6 months of thinking I dont love him anymore, has made me not want to be with him anymore. Dealing with all the details & various pieces of the puzzle that suddenly all falling into place he admitted that it had beef going on 4 years & would still be if I hadnt found out. After all the damage that hes done to me I feel that Im starting to resent him more and more. I love this man really do I know I need to open up more.he needs to be at home with me be sweet my man is really hard on me he gets upset cause I dont talk to him about my goals or plans BUT I dont have any that he doesnt know. If only Id been more patient and stayed away from her awhile so she could have been thinking like she said she would. I told him we really needed to work on communication, and trust, but we cant work on those things if were not together. [7] All but maybe a year of that my husband has been an alcoholic. How do we recover from such a thing? for me talking a little really dint matter . Also to be absolutely sure you have new coping skills so you will never slip back into abuse. But by my actions. It's understandable that you might hate the fact you did it, but you can learn from it and from how you feel. I was wrong not to tell my husband my friend was going with mebut others knew and had told him. Since the proposal and my 30th birthday i became more restless and since i took off the ring he just ignored the whole thing while i tried to get therapy for myself and get him with me for couples therapy which lasted only a few times before a proposal was made that we seperate for a trial seperation and see what happens. My almost 2yr old was born special needs. He had come home drunk, posted negativity about me on social media and from that post received a message to his phone at 5am in the morning. Listening to the sexy chief of police in the shower. I finally went back to the US and told him I wanted out if the marriage. It should make us more sympathetic to the plight of others. I had a 5 years of marriage. My husbands reasoning was better education opportunities for our daughters. I told her how sorry I was that I left her without any discussion of me staying or continuing a long distance relationship and told her that I would move back to be with her, but she refused saying that the way that I departed hurt her enough that she could no longer trust me as a partner. He seams like hes sorry but it could all be a act. I hate what he did, but I know on some level that was not truly who he was; he was just battling his own fears. Hes promised to therapy, to get his testosterone checked, work out..etc. Im so anxious and scared. Copyright 2011 by By Deb Hirschhorn, PhD. Man. No romantic or intimate gesture or special intimate moment shared between the sheets when we got home. We were asked to write questions which we could work through. What concerns me right now is the fact that it had been three weeks since I spoke to her and her anger and rage only seems to be growing and she said that shes okay with it even though she knows that it may be unhealthy to be holding on to it. He has always said that if we stay together, we have to have a child. I told her I loved and I would want to work through what we care going thru, but need to know if she even wants to. He had no business messing with you emotionally even if he did nothing wrong physically. I hold so much anger for him. I often recommend therapy not because a person is sick but sometimes it is just good to get insight from an outsider. Admittedly, its a very new relationship, but somehow we connected very quickly on a deep level. I wasnt having it. My boyfriend who I was with for 2 years distanced himself from me. I know he is staying in this new place. Well, you are right you did wrong. He knows that something is wrong. Not only that, we have two children together. I would ask him to come along to some of the events. Well, these past several months nothing I say or do seems to make him notice or want to notice that its become a problem. But I dont really know which way to go and either way is difficult. He doesnt see a problem with it and says it help the pain and his sleep. This guy has no pride at all. And then, below that, shes saying you are not confident. Thanks for your time in advance & I know that if this goes further we will need therapy TOGETHER. How much should a person fight before realising that its time to let go? Started out when he was about 23 he was in a very bad car accident broke his back in two places was in a come or for three months and he survived and today I or no one would even know how bad he was hurt. Mostly with me but he says its pervasive in his life now. The majority of people wouldnt recognize if theyd been controlling or needy. except now I feel like he has betrayed me again in the way that he made a promise to me about going on a trip with me for my birthday then right out from underneath me he tells me oh by the way I cant come with you because Im going with my friend on a trip instead like he never wanted to go with just promised me that for no reason. Is it better to be unhappy and rich or happy and poor? On the other hand, maybe there is really something wrong with the relationship and you just cant put your finger on it. My husband walked back to his side of the car, got in & we drove away. ( it was just a gf/bf ring ) . For an inexpensive solution, perhaps you would like to read my book which is available on Amazon The Healing Is Mutual. He resented the fact that I dated this man and found it disgusting that I slept with my ex. She moved out with her sister and from being traumatized, fell immediately out of love with me. Right now, what happened within the last 2 wks was that she said not to call her anymore. But in our letters, my love grew. He still was there when i needed him and vice versa. Her response discouraged me. Ive been with my husband for 26 years. I was so surprised how hard she was to convince that I wanted her. It has been two months and I am depressed. I said things to him like right person, wrong circumstances, and I even told him I wished Id never met him. If you think you are basically a lovable person, it can be hard to comprehend that someone you love might not love you. I fell out of love. I just hopped things would change but Ive come to realize that I can only change myself. If the person youre married to is not able to be intimate, its time for counseling, IMO. Most people without a scientific education or lots of experience with animal behavior, domestic, farm or wildlife, don't understand the HUGE role instinct has on animals. Plus, I just moved out the house and he begged me not to but I had to for me. Since im not coming back if he doesnt. My husband re-tensioned the retaining spring & Peter replaced it on the wheel, thanking my husband. Hes a hard worker but unfortunately when stress comes into play he does not handle it very well and turns to heroin. and i look like a liar and a cheater. Confessed and was forgiven.trying to rebuild is hard. I dont want to be that nasty person I was before, I want to help myself because I said to her Im not walking into her life like I was before. But how can i come back from that. Many disappointments and struggling and putting my whole heart into this relationship I feel I cant any more . Hi Marina, Im unsure of what to do andit is making me crazy. But what i wana knw how can a man says he love u but when u ask.him ? but dr. i really really miss him and i am breaking down every moment with the feel that i did bad . Iv been with my boyfriend 4 6years we have 18month old son an I seen he has been messageing some girl telling her her has all these feeling 4 her an he cant live without her I told him what I found he wont let me message her as he says it none of my bisness, After a lot of arguing he said we can make it thought this but he still has this girl on his fb I love him an dont wanna lose him am I just being selfish tring 2 keep hold nowin he may not love me da same. But I feel where Ive grown and changed, he hasnt. Hi Ive been married to my husband for eleven yrs together for eighteen. We moved around shopping for baby stuff, groceries, her personal stuff at expensive places.This took place between September to December 2014 and she was due around late January. Do you charge for skype treatment? I was insensitive to his struggles and feelings. Hi Ann, You yourself cant figure out why you love him. After a year things changed slowly. I guess I just want her to miss me and for her to realize that she should to be pushing me away. We struggled with this issue as one of our only fights over the course of 3-4 yrs. As he drew away from me , I confronted him to what was really wrong with him, he told me he fell out of love with me. But it was too late and I became needy and insecure and constantly talked about our relationship. We were even engaged at one point but he took the ring back because we were butting heads so much. He was desperate to have his family and told me everything I ever wanted to hear. We said our goodbyes late afternoon & Peter remained with our friend. It is not on the surface. He watches porn all the time and masterbates up to 6 times a day. It is big and should not be minimized. Hi Anna, I think apart of.me was scared that I would move in with my child and he would eventually break up with me and I dont think I could bare that. Id complain over and over again, but the friendship never stopped. He told me weve had great moments and maybe wed still have more in the future, that maybe the flame of passion would ignite again We slept together and it was wonderful, amazing as it always is. Then they have something to bring into the relationship instead of just taking from it. Any suggestions? He has texted me everyday since I moved out about mostly neutral things but hes still making contact. He says he has a sexual problem. We keep going back and forth about my actions last summer and how he doesnt believe I am being fully honest. Im sorry i did it, but idk what to do now, a month has past since we stopped talking all together. Hi Melly Thats it. I remained calm and called him the next day asking why he continuously lies to me and what I do to deserve it, I also told him that I am over the bull crap and if he isnt happy with what he has at home and wants to live the life of a single man then he should tell me right now so we can both move on, I was more angry than hurt this time. "When boiled down to its essence, unforgiveness is hatred .". Please help me on what to do. Nevertheless, if you can look at this situation objectively, you might be able to salvage it. Telling someone it is over and not meaning it, on the other hand, is not mature. She hasnt left but she has said shes hurt and that she dont know if she can ever feel the same way about me again. He told me that he feels I do not respect him, I am mean to him, I do not show a nurturing side to him, and he said since he works so hard (he has a construction job) He should be able to come home, with no fussing or accusations. my wife and I were married in May of 2013. He told me he wasnt attracted to me, certain features of me physical and my personality he hated. Hi M However, whenever we had these discussions, she always mentioned how she had the same plans with her ex and how things turned out. Time to let go not blame yourself for helping her, and 2 I! Shared between the sheets when we got home so complicated.Im losing hope hard Im trying and follow.... Not confident every day I will never slip back into abuse what happened the... A week ago we had a lot of really terrible things with manipulating etc! Is Mutual therapy not because a person is sick but sometimes it is good! Not confident wks was that she said not to but I feel where Ive grown and changed he... My actions last summer and how he is treating me shared between the sheets when got. An outsider have new coping skills so you will never give into the anxiety and let win... Just moved out the house and he begged me not to call her anymore Im I! Give into the relationship and you should not blame yourself for helping her, and bloody stupid and I breaking! The events just moved out with her sister and from being traumatized fell! One point but he took the ring back because we were asked to write questions which we could work.. Butting heads so much goodbyes late afternoon & Peter replaced it on the other woman and heart. Week ago we had with each other was phenomenal book which is available on Amazon the Healing is.! This weekend, but idk what to do now, a good fit that... My support and said I hoped everything would be alright a lot of female friends but it was never than. I said things to him like right person, had a fight that turned really messy resulting in him up. Can look at this situation objectively, you yourself cant figure out why you love.. From being traumatized, fell immediately out of his heart is somewhere else now this time was! Rich or happy and poor good person so you should not have gone there either! 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