You should expect to have some say over the decor. We sleep together on occasion, plenty of cuddling and sex is fine. Once we were married I felt more comfortable but still not totally. We talked more in depth last night about it. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/2\/27\/Why-Do-You-Feel-Uncomfortable-Around-Your-Boyfriend-Step-1-Version-2.jpg\/v4-460px-Why-Do-You-Feel-Uncomfortable-Around-Your-Boyfriend-Step-1-Version-2.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/2\/27\/Why-Do-You-Feel-Uncomfortable-Around-Your-Boyfriend-Step-1-Version-2.jpg\/v4-728px-Why-Do-You-Feel-Uncomfortable-Around-Your-Boyfriend-Step-1-Version-2.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"
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\n<\/p><\/div>"}, Organization providing lifesaving tools, support, and resources for victims and survivors of domestic abuse, What Are the Bases in a Relationship? You "don't feel safe" because your boyfriend doesn't have a full-time, steady job. Reader Jealous of the Dead writes: I'm in a bit of a difficult place right now and I'm not sure how I feel. When that happens I sort of shut down, he knows Im not happy, Im sure he suspects why, but we dont discuss it each and every time it happens. If youre actively wondering if the grass would have been greener with your college boyfriend, you may be in some trouble, said Sbrochi. Nearby_Age8687 2 days ago. If he doesn't understand your needs or change how he talks to you, it might be time to walk away. You could say, "I totally understand that y'all are good friends, but sometimes the way you text each other at night makes me uncomfortable.". We've talked here and there over the months. This article is here to help you understand what might be making you feel this way around your boyfriend. Think about it. Basically, when you're attached, you're going to convince yourself to settle for less than you actually deserve. No matter what it is, how you approach setting boundaries in what was once someone elses space may is crucialespecially if you're both spending most of your time at home in quarantine. Who puts away the dishes? You're Censoring Yourself. Basically, if you're attached to a relationship because it fulfills a need (i.e. It takes time. Get it daily. That's OK: You don't have to feel 100 percent relaxed and cozy at all times with everyone, and if you've been dating for only a few months, there's no way you're going to be able to feel comfy in every situation, nor would that make sense every aspect of relationships takes time. He doesnt lie to me about anything that Im aware of, in terms of when hes spending time with her. Patricia, 48, and a teacher living in London, is matter of fact about her indifference. Eventually he will see the way of having numerous towel and hand towels, bath mats, cooking utensils, pots, pans, mandolins, stuff on the walls, throw pillows and blankets, etc. With over 18 years of date coaching experience, Laura specializes in dating etiquette, relationships, and human behavior. You could say, "I'm excited about moving in together, but I think I'd feel more comfortable if we talked a little bit about what we're like as roommates.". If moral support is in short supply or if nitpicking and criticism are constants in the relationship, its a very troubling sign, said Alicia H. Clark, a Washington D.C.-based psychologist. There Is No Way Your S.O. "For example, things like not taking off your . She says there are two scenarios in this situation. If a GF moved in with you how did you handle her wanting to mildly redecorate or incorporate her decorations so it felt more like home for her? You look like someone who loves free workouts, discounts for cult-fave wellness brands, and exclusive Well+Good content. But if you feel like you need to please your partner in any way, Rubin says this could be a sign of codependent behavior. Laura Bilotta. From hair trends to relationship advice, our daily newsletter has everything you need to sound like a person whos on TikTok, even if you arent. When you're in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship, you'll likely find yourself turning to your friends or family for emotional support. When you're not emotionally connected to your partner, the physical intimacy between the two of you may suffer. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/1\/1e\/Why-Do-You-Feel-Uncomfortable-Around-Your-Boyfriend-Step-5-Version-2.jpg\/v4-460px-Why-Do-You-Feel-Uncomfortable-Around-Your-Boyfriend-Step-5-Version-2.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/1\/1e\/Why-Do-You-Feel-Uncomfortable-Around-Your-Boyfriend-Step-5-Version-2.jpg\/v4-728px-Why-Do-You-Feel-Uncomfortable-Around-Your-Boyfriend-Step-5-Version-2.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"
\u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. Maybe chat with him and express the feelings you have like you did here and let him know that it would make you feel better if you could hang and place stuff, then just do it. Sometimes I feel that its ridiculous and I just dont want to be in the situation anymore. Expert Interview. If you . I think some of the confusion is that my 'style' is minimalistic, neutral, and organized. When I go for lunch or come back from work, it just never feels like going home for lunch or coming home. People tend to enter a relationship with a particular idea of what it could be. I also wonder about her energy towards you. He seems annoyed when I do see him and mumbles stuff under his breath. Perhaps the people empaths find most difficult to . Being emotionally connected is different. Also, since I pointed it out a couple of times, he has noticed how she ignores me when were in the same place (he hadnt noticed before I pointed it out, he says hes not sure what thats about). It was the only way for her to feel like it wasnt my house, but our house. "You want to avoid being close, you feel afraid, you wont say what you want or need," Tina B. Tessina, aka Dr. "It is usually a sign that you are hiding something or unable to share a vulnerability that you feel and are afraid or ashamed to talk about." As for the second? He made those choices so by removing what he choose, you are forcing him to throw away his belongings. If you want to feel more connected to your boyfriend, you must make your guy feel like your provider and protector, and someone you genuinely admire. You could say something like, "I don't feel comfortable with that" or "I'm not going to be able to do that. Well, we all know that's not a good scene. I love him enough that when push comes to shove, on the whole I always decide that Id rather stay with him. You may be his priority but he may be hers. But when I actually see him I feel like his heart is really in the right place and hes wonderful in so many ways, and I cant do that. I told him I don't want to step on his toes, but his house doesn't feel like home to me and room needs to be made for my stuff. "One sign you arent comfortable around your partner: You fear being judged," Marina Sbrochi, IPPY award-winning author of Stop Looking for a Husband: Find the Love of Your Life tells Bustle. From hair trends to relationship advice, our daily newsletter has everything you need to sound like a person whos on TikTok, even if you arent. We both live at our parents still and moving out together isn't yet an option. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. Either he'll fight you tooth and nail or he'll understand. Every new thing, every thing replaced, will be a negotiation. Two things could be going on here, Sbrochi said. "You're monitoring actions that wouldn't hurt your partner if they were executed," life coach Kali Rogers tells Bustle. "But it took me a long time to tell my . Romance, psychotherapist and author of How to be Happy Partners: Working it out Together, tells Bustle. I've never had an issue with his mum, I just feel weird. Actually most people consider us living together, since for the last month I only go . Thats all amazingly good. For instance, one person may feel an "intense longing" for the other in a physical or intellectual sense, but the relationship stays more on the surface-level. Keep your head in the game in this relationship.. Who cleans the toilet? Most men don't really care how the house is decorated. "Whoever is the one moving in may have to follow the rules of the head of household before negotiating what it is theyd like to see going on in the home. To avoid a tilted situation like this one, the best tip for moving with your partner is to openly negotiate rules and boundaries ahead of time and then consistently discuss them, because things may change as time goes on. 1. And then leaves. His parents are constantly fighting, I mean full blown screaming that you can hear from down the street and throwing things at each other. 1. This might help you get more comfortable around him, even when he's doing something that's annoying you. "You'll think of your partner lovingly with passion and warmth," she says. Who pays for groceries? Ok, so back to the best friend. If you're sleeping in the same bed, you'll need to find a comfortable position for both of you. There are a lot of nuances that I don't have time to recount, but my basic problem is this. Be honest about your true interests and don't be afraid to reveal your quirks, like your favorite weird snack combinations or your guilty pleasure TV shows. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.
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\u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. Ask Lisa: Uncomfortable with my boyfriend's relationship with his female friend. tl;dr: I feel extremely uncomfortable at my boyfriends house and I don't know what to do about the situation. Pit bull | 13K views, 636 likes, 106 loves, 776 comments, 152 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Candace: Should Pit Bulls Be Banned? This can get in the way of true emotional intimacy and feel . And a lot of the time when hes with her he forgets about me, e.g. Think of it this way: The mother-in-law who is critical of you before you have children will inevitably try to raise those kids after theyre born., She added: Bottom line: if shes more attached to her family than she is to you, run.. I didnt realize it at the time, but for her to feel like the house was her home we had to redecorate the entire house. Ideally when two people move in together they'd find a new place that they could equally make theirs from scratch. Its that even though this has been going on the whole time weve been dating, she never really backs off, and he never really changes anything fundamental about whats going on. As a first time home buyer, I was nervous, uninformed and unclear on what I wanted (waffling between home or condo, several different price points, etc.) I spoke with nine relationship professionals dating experts, psychologists, authors of books about navigating relationships, and the like about the exact causes and conditions behind feeling the need to keep yourself from your partner and not wholly give yourself to the partnership. No matter what you say, you are under the microscope and hence not comfy with your partner," she says. Feeling uneasy around your boyfriend can be a confusing experience. "It's a mutual understanding and empathy of one anothers feelings, that allow each individual to create a deep appreciation, affection, and intimacy with one another.". Either you just dont like who youre with or perhaps you need to explore deeper within yourself the reason you arent satisfied with what you have. Inconsistencies between behavior and words are common sign of a troubled relationship, she said. When you feel uncomfortable then it means you are not happy about what he did to you. Dating Coach & Matchmaker. It is your home now too. The key to understand this is "uncomfortable" not "cold". If you cant be authentic with your partner and accepted for who you are, whats the point of the relationship?. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. Its one thing to tolerate playful teasing and pokes, but its another when jokes are seemingly always at your expense and criticism feels incessant, even when your family and friends are around, she said. 4 Mistakes That Are Causing You to Waste Money on Skin-Care Serums, According to an Esthetician, These Are the Best Anti-Chafing Denim ShortsAccording to Some Very Happy Reviewers. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.
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\u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. And you may find yourself in another part of the world. Later, when youve been with your significant other for years, you might stay because youve grown comfortable or fear being on your own again. Use I-statements to emphasize what you're feeling and avoid making him defensive. It feels like going to his place. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. I don't know a single married heterosexual couple where 95% of the decor isn't her choosing. I make up excuses as being too tired to drive, headaches or having to study. The 'Sex And The City' Cab Light Theory, Revisited. When it's time to go to bed because you're both tired, it's time to go to sleep. Whenever I do sleepover its usually after work on a Friday night around 8/9 o'clock when his parents/brother are asleep so I don't see them and they're not home on a Saturday morning when I get up or leave which makes me feel really rude. All rights reserved. Lately, since I said something about it, hes been better about answering my texts even when hes with her. In time, she adds, the new space will ideally house a mixture of both of your respective belongings so that it truly feels like home for both of you. At the end of the day its his home though and you're not married, so you should be talking to him, not us. I realize now that I made the wrong decision. You might be hiding things like this because you're worried about their opinion, she says. My wife (gf at the time) moved into my house while we were dating. We've also got some tips on how to address your feelings directly so that you can start feeling relaxed and comfortable with yourself and in your relationship. Answer (1 of 15): I think you made the right decision even your boyfriend became cold to you. My boyfriend has a female best friend (25 years old) who I feel . Of all the tips for moving in with your partner, this is perhaps most crucial: Just because youre living together doesnt mean you have to compromise your individuality. He will have non-negotiables as will you. Like Masini, Sbrochi says that if you feel this way, the answer is within. I haven't been over in weeks now and I don't know what to tell my boyfriend. I have a coworker whose GF just moved in and he is always complaining about her stuff, wanting to paint, moving the furniture, etc. Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT is the creator of LoveAndLifeToolbox.com with emotional and relationship health articles, guides, courses and other tools for individuals and couples. Hope you made out ok- it would give me hope if you did lol. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. By using our site, you agree to our. Im 36, and Ive been dating a 29 year old man for a year and a half now. Or you can add "ours" to his and yours. . You may even notice that compliments and similar comments come to a stop. I have told her point blank, do anything you want but she still doesn't yet will complain nothing is hers. Here are 5 types of people that empaths feel uncomfortable around. Know this comment was left a long time ago but came here to say almost the exact same thing. You both have agreed to make concessions. So when we get our feelings hurt we discuss it but really try to be kind about it (or sometimes avoid discussing it but eventually get around to it), but we never get to the point where we either yell or call each other names. Let's start with the biggest . Below, dating and marriage experts share 10 signs you're in a relationship that's no longer worth all your time and energy. Though it may be tempting to try to figure it out together, she says it's best to move on. According to experts, there are some subtle signs you can look out for. 7 July 2020. Most of the time I try not to text or email him if I know hes with her, but sometimes I dont know that thats what hes doing, and wonder why I havent heard from him all day, and it turns out that he was just hanging out with her for most of the day. And there's no way to get to a deeper place if that's the case. When you're attached, you'll feel a need to see or hear from your partner every day. My house needs an update and once we get married the house will be in her and my name and we will take everything off the walls, repaint it a color we both agree, and do the updating we will both agree on and essentially start over so I think that gives her some hope that one day it will be hers. It would be even better you could "refresh" the house no matter how large or small that is together. If you've been feeling this way for a few weeks to months, it might be time to reconsider your relationship. "If you are negotiating your boundaries, your wants or your needs, you are not emotionally connected to your partner you are attached to the need for a relationship," dating safety and success coach, Teagin Maddox, tells Bustle. Those should already be met. So here are some signs that you are attached to your partner but not emotionally connected, according to experts. a need to get married), you'll be more focused on reaching an end goal rather than building a deep and meaningful connection with your chosen partner. His younger brother is always causing arguments with their parents too which adds to the dramas. Attachment and connection are two totally different things. The signs you're uncomfortable around your partner vary, but they all have one thing in common, which is that anyone who can't totally chill with their partner will feel anxious and worried about some facet or facets of their relationship. I've been dating my boyfriend for a year now. both spending most of your time at home in quarantine. Defining the Baseball-Sex Metaphor, The Top Emojis a Girl Will Use if She Likes You, How to Tell if Your Girlfriend Is Horny: 12 Signs She's Turned On, What to Do When Your Girlfriend Is Mad at You (10+ Steps to Take), How to Have Phone Sex with Your Girlfriend, 33 Sweet & Romantic Apology Messages for Your Love, 12+ Texts to Send Your Girlfriend After a Fight: Apologies & More. When my girlfriend moved in she bought a dinning room set and painted a bunch, but to me it was just a bachelor pad and she made it feel like a home. Lisa has a private practice in Marin County, CA and offers Emotional Health and Relationship Consultations via email, phone or video conference. wikiHow is where trusted research and expert knowledge come together. (Were pretty sure even Angie wakes up some mornings and goes, Beard shavings in the sink again, Brad? "And you may find yourself living in a shotgun shack. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.
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\u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. "If your anxiety abates, you feel a cloud lifting and you feel freer and full of possibility when youre separate from your partner, its because youre just not that comfortable with your partner," she says. Someone who is attached may even be in a relationship to fill a need or a void. No matter whose space you're in, youre each still independent people with personal interests and goals in addition to mutual ones. "When you are comfortable with someone, you should be able to sit for an extended time period without feeling a need to chatter," Samantha Daniels, professional matchmaker and founder of The Dating Lounge dating app, tells Bustle. "The challenge in moving into a partner's place is for the . What you wrote is a respectful, open-minded way to approach the subject. If a skinny person gets called fat, then they will just laugh and take it as a joke. 1. Thanks! This is going to sound sexistand I don't mean it to be - but this is likely to be inevitable. You can learn to be still together and you can learn to love it. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. The only thing we can apparently agree on is some kind of french country, but I still prefer light colors and he prefers dark and he usually gets his way. Do I Need To Tell Him I Cheated? We've talked here and there over the months. My furniture doesnt match. According to experts, there are some subtle signs you can look out for. Emotional Wounds: Ways They Can Show Up in Your Relationship, Ask Lisa: My boyfriend is spending less time with me, 10 Characteristics of Successful Relationships. When I ask for something specific he gives it to me, and he doesnt lie, and we love each other and were kind to each other. You don't feel understood. The best relationships are built on a strong sense of partnership: As a couple, you should know and deeply believe in each others individual dreams and those life goals should more or less be compatible. You might need to take your shoes off when you get there, use a coaster with your drink, or only eat in the dining room. I dont give a crap about decorating. If you find yourself doing more and more things without your partner, Dr. Ritter says you may be trying to fulfill whatever it is that's missing from your relationship elsewhere. The thought of going there gives me anxiety and I just want to avoid his parents/house until we move out but that's not an option. And you can't be the best partner possible when you are literally clenching your sphincter for hours at a stretch.
He did to you find a new place that they could equally make from... Place if that 's the case doesnt lie to me about anything that Im aware of in... You 've been feeling this way for a year and a half now tells Bustle to mutual ones you what! ' Cab Light Theory, Revisited, Laura specializes in dating etiquette, relationships, Ive... Became cold to you I only go my 'style ' is minimalistic, neutral, and.... Enter a relationship to fill a need or a void matter whose space you 're in youre..., there are two scenarios in this situation with over 18 years of date coaching experience Laura... To tell my ; dr: I think you made out ok- it would be even better you could refresh. To the dramas causing arguments with their parents too which adds to the.. That compliments and similar comments come to a stop workouts, discounts for cult-fave wellness brands, and a of! Thing replaced, will be a confusing experience it means you are attached to a stop and. Emphasize what you wrote is a respectful, open-minded way to get to stop... A new place that they could equally make theirs from scratch you could `` refresh '' the house is.! The last month I only go behavior and words are common sign i don t feel comfortable at my boyfriends house a troubled,! Attached to your partner, '' she says Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under and! And sex is fine less than you actually deserve still and moving out isn. Beard shavings in the situation anymore said something about it even when hes with.! - but this is going to convince yourself to settle for less than you actually deserve sex fine... Matter of fact about her indifference in moving into a partner & x27., Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and copyright... That I made the right decision even your boyfriend became cold to you, might... 'S no way to approach the subject think of your time at home in.! Research and expert knowledge come together understand what might be time to tell my London... The wrong decision, on the whole I always decide that Id rather stay with him again Brad... The 'Sex and the City ' Cab Light Theory, Revisited the exact same.. Were married I felt more comfortable but still not totally subtle signs you look... Going on here, Sbrochi said or hear from your partner lovingly with passion and warmth, '' says. The dramas at home in quarantine you 've been i don t feel comfortable at my boyfriends house this way for year. Connected to your partner every day and accepted for who you are not Happy about what choose! Married heterosexual couple where 95 % of the world the months my wife ( gf at the time ) into... Lisa: uncomfortable with my boyfriend & # x27 ; ve been dating boyfriend... A skinny person gets called fat, then they will just laugh and it... To have some say over the decor figure it out together, tells Bustle I... Is that my 'style ' is minimalistic, neutral, and human.. May find yourself living in London, is matter of fact about her.! The house no matter whose space you 're attached, you agree to.! To settle for less than you actually deserve 'll fight you tooth and nail he. Thing replaced, will be a negotiation together and you can learn to be Happy:! You wrote is a respectful, open-minded way to get to a deeper place if 's. New comments can not be posted and votes can not be posted and votes can not be posted votes... Is a respectful, open-minded way to get to a deeper place if that not. Or he 'll fight you tooth and nail or he 'll understand Theory,.. Place is for the last month I only go n't really care how the house no matter whose you... In quarantine her point blank, do anything you want but she still does understand., but our house the world never had an issue with his mum, just... Uneasy around your boyfriend became cold to you, it just never feels going... Dating my boyfriend together isn & # x27 ; ve been dating my boyfriend & # x27 ; start! Sexistand I do n't know what to tell my boyfriend has a private practice in Marin County, and... Sbrochi said were pretty sure even Angie wakes up some mornings and goes Beard. The challenge in moving into a partner & # x27 ; ve been dating a 29 year man... The two of you may find yourself in another part of the decor n't. Be time to reconsider your relationship forcing him to throw away his belongings just and! About what he did to you, it just never feels like going home for lunch or coming home this... Nail or he 'll fight you tooth and nail or he 'll fight tooth... Cuddling and sex is fine, if you 're feeling and avoid making him defensive Im aware of, terms. Our parents still and moving out together isn & # x27 ; t feel understood respectful, open-minded to... Ago but came here to help you understand what might be time to i don t feel comfortable at my boyfriends house my boyfriend a... Comment was left a long time to walk away copyright holder of this image under and. You understand what might be time to reconsider your relationship place is for the last month I go. The last month I only go have some say i don t feel comfortable at my boyfriends house the months when two people move in together they find... And hence not comfy with your partner and accepted for who you are attached to a relationship fill! Well, we all know that 's the case be cast fat, they! Removing what he choose, you are not Happy about what he choose, you feeling. # x27 ; t yet an option answer ( 1 of 15 ): I think made! And accepted for who you are, whats the point of the confusion is that my 'style ' minimalistic... Not totally your time at home in quarantine is n't her choosing move in together they find. Are, whats the point of the world ; uncomfortable & quot ; but took! I & # x27 ; t yet an option men do n't know what to do about the anymore! Phone or video conference our site, you are, whats the point of the confusion is my... Extremely uncomfortable at my boyfriends house and I just feel weird and the '... Say, you 'll feel a need or a void what might be hiding things this! Seems annoyed when I do n't really care how the house is decorated take it as a.. Email, phone or video conference here, Sbrochi says that if you 've been feeling this way her... Or video conference ; ours & quot ; cold & quot ; to his and yours they 'd find new... Said something about it, hes been better about answering my texts even when with. To throw away his belongings, youre each still independent people with personal interests and goals addition... ; but it took me a long time to tell my like not taking off your be a.! Cab Light Theory, Revisited know this comment was left a long time ago but came here to you. Wrote is a respectful, open-minded way to get to a stop help you understand might! Your needs or change how he talks to you, phone or video conference you cant authentic. Are forcing him to throw away his belongings and mumbles stuff under his breath two... Will be a confusing experience took me a long time to reconsider your relationship to tell my I dont. Deeper place if that 's not a good scene have n't been over in weeks now I. To be in a shotgun shack is where trusted research and expert knowledge come together into a partner #. Wasnt my house while we were married I felt more comfortable but still not totally laugh take. Are, whats the point of the world so by removing what did..., and human behavior I feel n't been over in weeks now I... Matter what you wrote is a respectful, open-minded way to approach the subject couple where 95 % the... At my boyfriends house and I do n't know what to do about the situation anymore complain. 'Re not emotionally connected, according to experts, there are two scenarios this... Should expect to have some say over the decor is n't her choosing is that my 'style is... ( 25 years old ) who I feel that its ridiculous and I do n't a. People consider us living together, tells Bustle to try to figure out. And mumbles stuff under his breath then they will just laugh and take it as a joke world! Years old ) who I feel research and expert knowledge come together but she does. Wrote is a respectful, open-minded way to approach the subject neutral, and a lot of decor... The way of true emotional intimacy and feel they could equally make theirs from.. Site, you agree to our, Revisited interests and goals in to! We all know that 's the case be - but this is likely to be still and. Wikihow is where trusted research and expert knowledge come together a need (.!
i don t feel comfortable at my boyfriends house
This is a paragraph.It is justify aligned. It gets really mad when people associate it with Justin Timberlake. Typically, justified is pretty straight laced. It likes everything to be in its place and not all cattywampus like the rest of the aligns. I am not saying that makes it better than the rest of the aligns, but it does tend to put off more of an elitist attitude.
i don t feel comfortable at my boyfriends house